


I'm Not Afraid .. Anymore

by kittenfiction



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Self Harm, Trigger Warnings, past emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 14:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenfiction/pseuds/kittenfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, that kid 271.61 miles away, turns out changing your life in a way you never imagined.</p><p>Liam James Payne, 19, Wolverhampton.  <br/>Niall James Horan, 19, Mullingar. </p><p>It all started with a simple reblog on tumblr followed by an unexpected introduction.</p><p>What would you do if everyone you cared about was against you?</p><p>What would you do if your “I don’t want you.” turned into an “I need you.”?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the second thing fanfiction wise I had ever written.
> 
> One of my most proudest works of fiction.

Liam was already beginning to doze off, it was almost 11 and a school night. It was actually quite shocking that he wasn’t asleep already, concluding that Liam was naturally the bloke that had all of his homework done by 8 and asleep by 10. But something, something told him to stay up. 

He recently was forced into making a Tumblr, something that his friend, Zayn, had convinced him into doing. He claimed everyone was using it, and it was the only way to really communicate with people anymore. Liam was still getting used to the website, but he was quickly getting the hang of it. 

He moved the cursor to the search bar and typed ‘Toy Story’— A movie that meant the world to him. A lot of people found it rather immature, but Liam didn’t care. Toy Story was a comfort movie, it was something that kept his innocent with him as he moved through life. He was 19 now, and his age only kept escalating. Liam began beat-boxing ‘Carry Out’ by Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake as he scrolled through the tag. He clicked the reblog button on a picture of Woody and Buzz, side by side. Subconsciously, Liam clicked onto the URL to go to the blog’s page after reblogging it. Liam didn’t realise how long he was on the other bloke’s page until he had reblogged nearly 14 posts.

Liam clicked the ‘Back To Dashboard’ button and noticed a little red button at the top with a 1 in it. He furrowed his thick eyebrows and pulled out his phone to call Zayn.

“Ello?”

“There is a little red button in the top corner.”

“Liam, that means you have a message.”

“From who???”

“Dun’o. Maybe you should click it, eh?”

“Yeah, maybe.. I’ll let you go, since you aren’t interested in talking.”, a slight annoyance in Liam’s tone, though Zayn didn’t catch it.

“K, bye, love you.” Then, there was a clicking sound and Liam set his phone back onto his bed.

Liam clicked onto the little envelope button. His cheeks grew to a light shade of rose when he read the message.

“Someone must really like my posts to go through enough pages to get to something I reblogged 2 weeks ago. — nialleatsnandos”

Liam gulped before clicking the reply button and typing back, “Yeah, sorry about that. Wasn’t paying much attention. Though, I do like your posts. A little bit of movies, a little bit of music, rest is food. I’m Liam, Liam Payne.”

Less than two minutes later, a little red box appeared again. “Haha. Food is the best, better than anything, I ‘reckon. Names Horan, Niall Horan. – nialleatsnandos.”

“Not sure about ANYTHING, but better than a lot of things. Pleasure to meet you, mate. Where are you from?” Liam didn’t know why, but he felt wide awake, and nothing seemed to make him consider sleeping at this point.

“Mullingar; Irish Pride! You? – nialleatsnandos”

“So you’re a leprechaun, eh? Haha, Wolverhampton.”

And that quickly, that simply; Liam felt like maybe, just maybe, the internet wasn’t that bad. Liam wasn’t a loner, but he only had two real friends. Zayn Malik, a bloke he met in primary school and Danielle, who he had been raised with. Most days Liam’s parents bet money that Liam would end up with Danielle, but he never even thought about it like that. Sure, Liam brought Danielle to the school dances; but aside from kissing once, when they were 13, they treated each other like brother and sister.

Before Liam realised it, the clock read 2:56 AM. He knew he needed sleep, but he didn’t want to, he wanted to talk to his, possibly, new friend. 

“Oi, I didn’t realise you had school tomorrow, lad. You should get some sleep! – nialleatsnandos”

Liam let out a sigh, “Kind of difficult to remember about school when I’m having a conversation with someone who doesn’t think it’s lame to love Toy Story.”

“How could Toy Story ever be lame? It’s a child-hood classic. Third one makes me cry, but that shall never be said again or.. or I’ll kill you with my leprechaun powers. – nialleatsnandos”

“hahahaha. I cried too, but if you tell anyone at all, I’ll kill you with my Wolverhampton-ness. Who’s your favorite character?”, and for the first time in months, Liam let out a genuine laugh.

“Buzz, no doubt! I used to want to be him! I dressed up like him a few times growin’ up. If you say Jessie, I donut know what I will do! – nialleatsnandos” 

“Oh no! Mine is Woody! I’ve dressed up like him a bit too! Oi, it’s kind of ironic. You know. You like Buzz, and I like Woody—and they are best friends.”

“You saying you want to be best friends, Payne? – nialleatsnandos”

Liam’s cheeks flushed a shade of rose, he embarrassed himself way too often. “Well, I mean. Idk.”

Though Liam hadn’t seen Niall, he imagined him laughing when he read Niall’s reply, “well; call me your Buzz, and I’ll call you my Cowboy. If I call you my woody, well, it sounds like I’m talking inappropriately. – nialleatsnandos”

“Sounds good to me. I guess I should sleep now. Goodnight, Buzz. x”

~~

Liam stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. No matter how many times he brushed his teeth or rubbed down his hair, he still could see all the flaws in his reflection. Liam was proud of himself, it had been 70 days since he cut himself; but that didn’t change his mind set on himself. He raised the dark coloured sleeve that covered his forearm, his dark coloured orbs scanning across the raised tan skin. 

It took another five minutes before Liam pushed down his sleeve and ran out of his flat—late again. Recently, he was late for school every day, but used to, used to he was never late. Liam didn’t want to take a bus, because he didn’t want to pay money; so he decided on walking to school, making himself later than he already was. ‘I’ll call you my Cowboy’, Liam heard the phrase repeat in his head. Almost in a whisper, but loud enough for Liam to focus on making the voice have an Irish accent. A smile flitted to his features as he walked along the sidewalk. It wasn’t until Liam walked across the stop sign and didn’t stop that he got pulled from his thoughts. “Eeek!”, a car swerved to stop. He caught his breath, falling back a bit as he looked out into the car, Danielle sticking her head of brunette curly locks out of the window to look at him. “Liam..?” He shrugged his shoulders some, “m?” The brunette sighed, “Get in the car.”

Liam opened his lips to protest, but decided it was a free ride so he got in. “Tanks.”, he lowly muttered before rubbing his eyes. “Tired?”, her voice fragile but seemed more of a statement than question. “yes’m.” The British lad rested his head against the window as his eyelids began to fall. “What did you do last night?” He almost didn’t hear her voice as he was drifting off into sleep. “Made friend.”, was all he muttered before drifting off.

Liam remembered coming out to his parents, it was a lot worse than coming out to his friends. Zayn and Danielle both figured he wasn’t completely straight, though his parents didn’t like it at all. His father almost kicked him out, but after breathing for a minute, he realised that he would never do that to his son. Liam was bisexual—meaning he liked you, whether you were a bloke or a woman. He had only dated one other bloke before, and that didn’t end well at all. Unfortunately, he was one of the reasons Liam got back into cutting when they broke up, now almost a year ago. 

In-between two of his classes, Liam found himself pulling out his phone and logging into his Tumblr. Niall posted something 20 minutes ago—says Tumblr. He clicked to his messages, thinking he had nothing, but he was curious so did anyways. 

“You r in school! Ha. That’s brilliant. A’ways, just wanted to say Mornin’, Cowboy. Do good in your classes. – nialleatsnandos”

Liam couldn’t reply privately on mobile, but reading his message made Liam smile. No, he didn’t ask Niall if he was into males, but it didn’t matter. They just met, they had yet to even see each other—Liam just was having a petty crush. It was expected, right?

~~

Liam plopped down onto his bed after getting back from school. He grabbed his laptop, pulling it onto his lap and turning it on. A few moments later, the screen lit up and logged onto his name. Liam clicked onto the Google Chrome icon on his desktop; Tumblr being his homepage. There was a little red box next to his messages. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, a bit confused on why he had another message.

“Do you have Skype? I don’t really like it, but I’m lazy and it’s easier to just talk. – nialleatsnandos”

Liam cleared his throat before typing back, “yeah. Don’t laugh over my screen-name. cowboyliamjames”

He got up from his bed, deciding to change into something more comfortable. The British lad changed into black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt. Liam crawled back onto his bed, letting himself lay back onto the headboard and adjusted his laptop on his lap before opening up Skype. Upon logging in, a dialog box appeared. “niallandbeyond is requesting your friendship.” Liam nearly choked on his spit from the bloke’s screen-name. He clicked accept then went to his name, “niallandbeyond? You, my friend, are one classy bloke.” Almost immediately, the icon appeared showing Niall was typing. “cowboyliamjames is rather classy as well. Calling now.” And with that, a box appeared saying Niall was calling.

Liam gulped as he adjusted himself on his bed again. It was a bit nerve-racking, if he was honest. He talked to Niall for hours last night, and spent the day thinking about him—and now he was about to see him. Slowly, the bloke clicked ‘answer with video’ and waited a few moments. His body got heated, goose-bumps running up his back as the box finally appeared showing a blonde with staggering blue eyes. “Ello!”, the Irish accent very clear in his voice. “Hello. No school for you? Saw you were posting when I was at school.” Niall laughed some, more than expected, before cooling himself. “After I graduated, I decided t’at was it for me. Don’t want’a go back.” Liam nodded some, showing Niall he at least somewhat understood. He was about to speak again before Niall cut off his thoughts and spoke, “So, your middle name is James?” Liam nodded, “yup! Why?” Niall smiled, and without a warning, made Liam freeze. He could tell Niall had braces, but couldn’t see much detail since webcams sucked. But, his smile was enough to make Liam have to clear his throat awkwardly. “So is mine!” Liam smiled, “Niall James Horan?” Niall nodded before giving him a quick, cheeky grin. “Liam James Payne?” Liam chuckled and nodded, “Looks like another thing in common.” “I’d say so, Cowboy.” Liam was the one to break into laughter this time. “I feel like you should get a horse, ride it and say ‘howdy’ or ‘yee-haw’”, Niall broke into laughter after speaking. And for a moment, that’s all it was. Genuine, raw, laughter.

~~

Two weeks. It had been two weeks and well past the point of becoming a routine. Every day, Liam would come home from school and get a snack. After 20 minutes of being home, him and Niall would Skype 3-7 hours then spend the night texting. Shockingly, to Liam’s friends at least, Niall and Liam had yet to bring up anything past a friendship. 

Being honest, Liam was just afraid of ruining the friendship.

Though, Liam couldn’t lie—he liked Niall James Horan, more than he should.

The two had been Skyping for almost 4 hours today already, it was a Friday night yet the two decided to spend the night on Skype.

“What would you do if you were Demi Lova’o for a day?”, Niall’s Irish accent booming through the speakers on Liam’s laptop. Liam chewed onto his lower lip some, thinking, before finally answering. “Obviously look at myself naked. I feel like it’s horrid to admit what I would do naked.” Liam began to laugh. “Don’t blame you. I’d be sure to take pictures of it, and send it to my email so I can forever have motivation to jack off.”, then both boys began laughing. “Famous for a day, what would you do?”, Liam asked as he popped a piece of popcorn between his lips. “Hook up as much as I can!” Liam shook his head before dramatically coughing, “Whore.”, then dramatically coughing again. He broke out into a large grin. Niall narrowed his staggering blue eyes at the webcam, which only made Liam laugh then poke the webcam, as if he were attempting to poke Niall. Niall simply shook his head before picking up a bag of chips. “Whatever. Whores don’t share their chips, so all these chips?? M I N E.” Liam simply grinned, “Whores share their bitches. You love food more than people, so food is your bitches.” Niall gasped dramatically, “Never speak to my babies like that!”

~~

Liam looked over at the clock, 1:12 AM. He yawned some then looked back at his laptop screen. “Know what you should do?” Niall raised his eyebrows as he stuffed food into his mouth. Liam knew that meant for him to continue. “You should play that song you told me you were working on. I can tell you what I think about it.” Liam smiled at Niall, even though he could see the hesitation in Niall’s behavior. “Please?” Niall debated it for a moment before reaching down, and pulling up his guitar. “Fine. I’ll play a bit of my ‘tar and sing the song. Never again, though.” “Fine.”, it took Liam days to convince Niall to play his guitar, this being the first day he gave in. “Pinky promise?” Liam nodded and held his pinky up to the webcam; Niall did the same before placing his hands on the guitar and smiling. “It’s a bit rocky, a bit not ready, I warn you.” Liam shrugged before making himself comfortable on his bed, “Fine by me.” He pulled his blankets over his body, then rested his head onto the pillow as he tiredly looked at the Skype screen watching the blonde bloke who was beginning to strum at the guitar strings.

“I wanna be drunk when I wake up

On the right side of the wrong bed

And every excuse I made up

Tell you the truth I hate

What didn’t kill me”

 

A small smile tugged at Liam’s full, pink lips as Niall’s Irish accent cooed into his ears.

 

“It never made me stronger at all.

Love will scar your make-up lip sticks to me

So now I’ll maybe leave back there

I’m sat here wishing—Cowboy, don’t sleep.

I know I’ll never hold you like I used to.”

 

Liam forced his eyes to open when Niall changed the lyrics so he could make sure he didn’t sleep. He rested his elbow onto the bed, attempting to prop himself up, though he was failing.

 

“But our house gets cold when you cut the heating

Without you to hold I’ll be freezing

Can’t rely on my heart to beat it

‘Cause you take part of it every evening

Take words out of my mouth just from breathing

Replace with phrases like when you’re leaving me.”

 

Liam’s eyelids began to grow heavy; slowly they began closing until he was barely able to see Niall through his eyelashes.

 

“Should I, should I?

Maybe I’ll get drunk again

I’ll be drunk again

I’ll be drunk again

To feel a little love”

 

Liam gave Niall a small thumbs up before completely falling out. 

Because for once in what seemed like years; Liam James Payne was going to sleep with a smile on his face—a smile caused by Niall James Horan; the leprechaun from Mullingar.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three weeks since Niall sang his song for him, and they continued to talk daily—though more time was spent texting than Skype since Liam was forced to get a job. It was nothing hard, just a waiter at a local restaurant. He hated it, and that was the sweetest way to say it. Not only was his boss a dick, but his co-worker was his ex-boyfriend. You would think, over time, Josh, would get over it; but he still continued to harass Liam. Their break-up was mutual, or so Liam had thought. But truly, Liam knew he could do much better than Josh. Josh never treated Liam with respect, he constantly was in a sense; blackmailing him. Josh knew about Liam’s past, the past that he never wanted to speak of again. And horribly, Josh used that against Liam—constantly.

“Faggot, table 3.”, Josh muttered to Liam. It shouldn’t have affected him, since Josh was once into males as well—but he did because Josh knew that Liam used to get bullied and called that. Josh knew about the scar in his hip that was engraved ‘faggot’ that Liam carved into his ribs one day after being beat up and harassed. Liam’s body stiffened as he pushed past Josh and to the table. “Hello, I’m Liam. Welcome to Har— Oh hey mum, what would you like?” His mum gave him a bright smile. “Just a water. Can you watch Lux tonight? I have somewhere to be and your sister is out of town so I’m supposed to be watching her but…” Liam cut off his mother and nodded, “yeah. I get off in ten. Stay here, I’ll be back when I’m done.” And with that, Liam walked back, tugging off his name-tag. 

“Leaving early?”, Josh’s voice rang through Liam’s ears. He winced some when Josh put his hand on his shoulder. “Got’a babysit Lux tonight.” Liam kept his voice sharp and emotionless. “Oh, Lux.” Josh slowly ran his fingertips down Liam’s arm. “Don’t touch me.”, Liam jerked his arm away from Josh. He swallowed hard as he attempted pushing past Josh, but Josh eagerly pushed him back, “Can’t get rid of me, faggot.” Liam sighed as his heart began to drop down into his stomach, “..Please..” An evil smirk appeared onto Josh’s features, he ran his fingertips down to Liam’s side, where he knew the engraving was at. He pressed his lips to Liam’s ear, causing his body to freeze up, “I’ll never regret helping you get this scar.” Josh pushed Liam against the wall and walked away. 

Liam’s eyes were glossed over, filled with tears. He ran into the loo and went into a stall. The British bloke shut the door, sitting down onto the ground in front of the toilet. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees and leaning his face into his knees as the salt water began falling down his heated cheeks. “I matter. I deserve respect. I am Liam James Payne, I am bisexual and proud. I am happy. I’m worth it.”, he whispered to himself as the tears fell onto his jeans. 

~~

Liam walked into his flat, holding Lux into his arms. Baby Lux was his sister’s child, and he rarely got to see her so he had no problem watching over her. As he put Lux down onto his bed, his phone lit up.

“Skype, Cowboy?”

Liam smiled as he typed back, “I’m babysitting my niece.”

Less than a minute later he got a text back, “Fine with me! I love babies!”

Liam chuckled then fixed his laptop on his bed, turning it on and letting Skype pop up. “Wanna see my friend, Lux? He’s got a funny accent.” Lux gave him a smile, showing him her front two teeth. He took that as a yes. He clicked video call on Niall and waited for him to pick up.

“Ello!—OH MY BABY!” Liam bursted into laughter as he fixed Lux on his lap. “How old is she??” Liam smiled, pressing a soft kiss onto his niece’s head. “8 months. Her name is Lux.” Niall smiled, his eyes showing nothing but adoration towards the small child, “hello, Lux. I’m Niall.” Lux reached out her arm, trying to touch the Irish lad on the other side of the screen. She whined some when she hit a screen, “Li-Li?”, her lower lip pouting as she looked up at Liam. He only smiled and picked up her hand, pressing his lips onto her fist. “He’s in Ireland. You can’t touch him, silly goose.” Baby Lux nodded some, then looked back at the screen. “Ni-Ni?” Niall’s eyes lit up as a grin flitted onto his features, “Yea?” The small girl smiled then placed her hand on her cheek, “pretty Ni-Ni.” Both boys began to laugh when Lux called Niall pretty. “Oh, he is very beautiful.”, Liam said cheekily. Of course Niall thought he was just saying it, truth was that Liam truly believed it.

~~

The clock now read 12:30 AM, and Lux was picked up around 7. Niall left soon after, saying he was going out with friends. Liam wasn’t sure what to do, being honest. He fiddled around with his phone before calling Zayn.

“Ello?”

“Hey.”

“Vas Happenin’?”

“Absolutely nothing. You?”

“Eh, I was sleepin’. Usu’l.”

Liam noticed the tone Zayn was speaking in, letting him know he was tired. “Wanna hang out tomorrow?”

There was some ruffling on the other side of the phone, “y’sure. Call me tomorrow? Tired.”

Liam chuckled some then smiled, “Night, Zayn.” He clicked the red button, hanging up the call then set down his phone on the bed. He laid back on his bed, letting his phone rest beside him as his head rested onto the pillow. He started thinking about Niall— The Irish lad that seemed to have captured his heart. Liam adored everything about him. Niall had the bluest of eyes, even through the shitty webcam quality Liam could stare into his eyes for hours. Looking into his eyes sent goose-bumps up his arms and back. Niall’s smile sent a shock of butterflies into Liam’s stomach. Niall’s accent made his head spin wildly as a smile stayed onto his lips. Everything about Niall made Liam happy, genuinely happy. 

Niall was the person Liam thought about to stop himself from crying.

Every time Liam thought about pressing another blade to his scarred skin he would remember what Niall said when he told him. A week or so ago, Liam finally told Niall about his past and about his cutting. Liam was shocked that Niall didn’t judge him with disgust, instead he showed he cared. Every time Liam was going to cut himself again, he remembered Niall’s sweet voice—“Promise me something? Promise me that every time you think about hurting yourself; you will think back on this. Think back on how I look, and think back on me saying that I care about you. And to me, you’ll never be some worthless faggot. To me, Liam you are much more than that. You’re my best friend, my Cowboy.”

His thoughts were interrupted when his phone lit up.

“ey1 skype, bebz?” Liam raised his eyebrow, but decided he would get on Skype anyways. 

Skype logged in, almost immediately there was a dialog box on his screen. Liam clicked ‘answer with video’. He watched as Skype buffered then showed Niall on the other screen. Niall was quite honestly snockered. “LEEEEE-YUM!”, the Irish lad screamed from the other side of the screen. “Hello. How was your night out?” Liam tried to not show it bothered him how intoxicated the other bloke was, but honestly it made him nervous. Nothing good ever came when someone drank, right?

“Good. I came to this realisation!” Liam tilted his head to the side some, “Which was?” Niall looked both ways, as if checking to make sure no one was around before leaning forward and whispering, “I want to have sex with you, Liam.” Liam’s eyes more than tripled in size. “W-What?” Niall smirked then leaned back some, “You heard me.” Liam adjusted himself on his bed some as he was laying down on his back. “I don’t think you realise what you are saying, Niall. I am a guy and—“, he was cut-off by Niall, “You are a bloke, so you have a dick. I know.” Liam wasn’t sure what to think at this point. I mean, he wanted this, right? He wanted it, when he would stay up late to jack off, thinking about Niall. But, it was different, because Niall was drunk. “You are snockered.”, he said very matter-of-a-factly. “So? I still think you are hot.” Liam sighed, “Niall, you don’t know what you are saying.” 

The look on Niall’s face changed, you could tell he was getting annoyed. He got up and walked to his door, locked it then came and sat back down on his bed. “I know exactly what I am saying. I drank, but not as much as you think I did.” Liam rolled his eyes at the comment, “You’ve never even hinted at being into males and now allegedly you want sex? You don’t even know how to have gay sex for crying out loud!” Niall raised his eyebrows. Truthfully, as much as Liam wanted it, Niall always seemed to innocent to him. 

Niall cleared his throat before pulling off his shirt. Liam clenched his jaw as his mouth began to water at the sight of Niall. Shirtless Niall, Vulnerable Niall. “I want to feel your lips on mine, Payne. More than that, I want to feel your hands rub down my body. I want to feel your lips tighten around my shaft.” Liam’s eyes widened as Niall’s eyes grew darker, filling with lust. “I’ve never been with another bloke before, but I want to be with you. I want to know what it feels like. To know what it feels like to have your tongue working my shaft. Is it true, that guys are always tight?” Liam waited a moment before slowly nodding. “Even if you do it every day, you have to loosen up before actual sex every time.” This fact only caused Niall to smirk more. “I want to loosen you, Liam. I can do it. You can lick on my fingers before I do it, I can make you moan. I want that, to hear you moan my name in that hot British accent of yours.” Liam felt a groan growing up his throat as he tried to swallow it down. It was continually getting hot, and Liam couldn’t take it. He pulled his shirt off.

“God Damn, you’re fit.” Liam swallowed hard, “Not so bad yourself.” Niall gave a soft chuckle before letting his fingers go down his own chest and stopped at the button on his jeans. “If I was there, what would you do to me?” Liam knew what Niall wanted, he knew Niall was wanting Liam to give him something to jack off to. Liam debated it for a few moments, he knew he shouldn’t. Niall was drunk, and this could completely ruin their friendship. 

You know what? Fuck it. Liam was tired of playing it safe; he was a 19 year old bloke—it was time to live.

“For starters, those pants would be on the ground.” Niall smirked before standing up. “Like this?”, he asked as he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and let him fall to the ground. He kicked them off then sat back down onto his bed. Liam nodded slowly and licked across his lips. “Every inch of your body would be able to feel my lips. I’d leave marks just so you could remember it in detail.” Niall bit onto his lower lip hard, “Pants. Off. Now.” The amount of demand in Niall’s now husky voice turned him on more than it should have. Liam got up, pulling off his pants then sitting back down onto the bed. “Tell me, Niall, do you like biting?” Niall smirked and nodded, “Love biting. You wanna bite me, Payne? Leave your marks in my skin? Give you a deal—you can leave all the marks you want as long as you promise I can fuck you.”

Liam involuntarily let a groan leave his lips as his length hardened. He adjusted some in his bed. “That got someone a little happy.”, Niall chanted cheekily. The British bloke raised his eyebrows, now he was determined. He let his tongue slowly move across his lips. “Niall, I would let you fuck me anywhere you want. I would love it if you pushed me against the couch, held me down and fucked me. I would scream your name if you did.”, he made sure to emphasize the word scream. Immediately Niall let out a groan as his length hardened. “Fuck you, Payne.” Niall stood up, dropping his boxers which made Liam’s eyes grow larger as his one shaft hardened painfully now. Niall smirked, keeping himself standing as he slowly brought his left hand to his shaft. Letting his fingertips run up and down the side of his shaft. “Do you wish this was your hand?”

Liam licked across his lips, “Wouldn’t be my hand if I were there.”, he said cockily. Niall wrapped his slender, pale fingers around his shaft.. “Good with your tongue?” Liam slipped his boxers off of his body as he remained on the bed. “I’d make you scream my name just by my tongue.” Niall’s chuckle was completely full of lust. “You’re fucking hot when you’re cocky.” Liam bit onto his lower lip as he brought his hand to his length, letting his fingers shamelessly wrap around his length. “Tell me, Niall, how risky are you?” Niall sat onto his bed, his shaft still in view. He raised his eyebrow, “Very risky.” Liam smirked, knowing that would be his reply. “If you are that risky, then will you scream for me?” Niall licked across his lips, “My mum’s asleep.” Liam chuckled, “Pansy. I’ll scream for you, I’m not scared.” Any other occasion, Liam would be. For some reason, Liam was always quite different during sexual encounters than in general.

Liam began moving his right hand up to his tip then back down the base of his shaft. He left a groan leave his pink, full lips. Niall watched for a good minute, mesmerised with Liam’s hand moving up and down his length. Niall snapped out of his trance, slowly moving his hand up and down, quickly syncing with the pace Liam was going. Niall let small moans leave his mouth, but bit down most of the noises. Liam on the other hand, refused to stay quiet. “Niall—ah—fuck—mmm—Niall—“, Liam moaned loudly in between deep breaths. His body heated insanely, despite being on top of all the blankets. Niall tried holding back moans, “Fucking moan for me, Niall.”, and then Niall broke. 

Niall’s speed increased dramatically as his breathing began to quicken. “Fuck—fuck—fuck—fuck—Liam—I just want you to fuck me—fuck me—fuck—“ Liam’s breathing hitched, making his breathing so quick that he began getting dizzy. “Niall—Fuck—“, “Fuck—Fuck—Liam—I’m—“ Niall threw his head back, the liquid quickly filling between his fingers. Hearing Niall pushed Liam over the edge. He threw his sweating head back, pressing hard into the pillow as he screamed, yes, screamed Niall’s name. 

It took a few moments for both of them to catch their breathes. Liam slowly licked across his needy lips. “I should probably clean up.” Niall chuckled some, giving him a cheeky grin. “Sounds ideal.” They smiled at each other for a few minutes before finally snapping out of it, “Night, Buzz.” “Night, Cowboy.”

Liam slowly shut his laptop. “Shit..” He raised himself lazily from his bed, making his way to the bathroom. He just needs a cold shower, a cold shower and sleep.

~~

Two days, Niall has yet to answer any of his texts or calls.

“Hey, Call me?”

“Niall?”

“Hey?”

“Could you text me back, please?”

“Niall….”

“Did I do something wrong?”

There was a knot in Liam’s chest, growing quickly.

~~

Eight days after the Skype call, Liam’s phone vibrates in his pocket while he is at school. Eagerly he pulls out his phone, hiding it from the professor. He was sitting next to Zayn in class, and without saying a word, he dropped his phone on the ground and ran out of the room.

Zayn grabbed his phone, looking down at the text.

“We can’t talk anymore. Ever. Sorry. I’m not a faggot like you.”

~~

Liam ran until he reached his car. He jerked open the backseat door, crawling in and slamming it shut. Liam brought his knee’s to his chest, laying in the backseat of the car. Why would Niall say that? He didn’t have to call him that. He knew, he knew Liam’s past yet he did that. The knot in his stomach finally made it’s appearance. Liam swung open the door, letting himself throw up everything he had eaten that day. He wiped his mouth then laid in the backseat as the salt water moved down his hot cheeks, burning with every inch of his skin it covered. 

Liam James Payne was broken—By the Leprechaun that promised to be there for him when he cried.


	3. Chapter 3

“How long has it been?”, Zayn’s voice was gentle compared to it’s natural husky tone.

“Today makes two weeks since the text.”, Liam mumbled as the led in his pencil pressed against the notebook paper. Most days Liam tried to keep his mind off of the blonde. They never saw each other in person, yet he felt so close to Niall. He would expect Danielle to hurt him like this before Niall, which is why he tried his best to keep it off his mind. It took everything within himself to not cut the day Niall texted him saying they couldn’t talk anymore. The only thing that stopped him? The second the blade brushed across his skin, Liam pictured Niall on the other side of the screen talking to him. It was enough to make him throw the blade in the trash and rock on the ground; his knees up to his chest. 

Some days, Liam would question if he were making the right decisions. Maybe if he never told anyone he was bisexual, maybe then he would not have gotten hurt so much. Since the moment he told one person, he has gotten beaten physically and verbally. There were days where Liam almost took away his life, but something would tell him not to. The same something that kept him online the night he met Niall James Horan. 

Zayn leaned to the side, causing their sides to hit together. He moved his arm around Liam’s shoulders and leaned his head against Liam’s shoulder. “Know what I say, Li?”

Liam looked down, making eye contact with Zayn. Despite how upset Liam felt on the inside, despite how close to breaking Liam was; the look in Zayn’s eyes made him hopeful. That maybe, just maybe, Zayn honestly felt like he meant what he was about to say. Zayn took this as he could speak again. 

“Everything happens for a reason. He wasn’t in your life for nothing.”

“But Zayn, nothing good has come from meeting him.”, Liam’s voice was restless. 

Zayn lifted his head but kept his eyes on Liam, “Then he isn’t done in your life yet.”

~~

Another two weeks, no message from Niall.

Liam had just gotten home from work, and honestly was in a great mood since Josh wasn’t at work. Everything seemed to be going good for Liam again, his days were ending good and there was almost no negative times. He kicked off his clothes, going to shower. He stripped from his clothing, leaving his body bare as he turned on the warm water and stepping into the shower. Liam closed the glass door as the water began covering every inch of his skin. It was calming, relaxing, rejuvenating. 

He stepped from the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist and walking out of the bathroom. He turned on his laptop, letting things load. Recently, Liam had made a friend that lived in America. Difference? This friend was a lesbian, so they were strictly friends. They had planned to talk today, so he made sure his Skype was signed in. Liam began drying off his body then paused as an alarm began ringing through his speakers. Incoming call. He figured it was Eleanor, no big deal. Liam turned around the laptop then froze.

‘Incoming Video Call – niallandbeyond’

Liam’s heart began racing, even though this could be a completely horrid idea, he clicked answer with video. Before it worked properly, he sent in ‘brb getting dressed’ then walked from his laptop. Liam’s mind was racing as he quickly finished drying off and pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. After taking a few breaths, The British bloke decided he could face Niall.

Liam got onto his bed then fixed his laptop. Seeing Niall made his heart race even faster. He had to chew on the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling. “hi.”, his voice was almost a whisper.

Niall brought his hand to the back of his neck and sighed, “Liam, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.”, his voice was nothing close to believable.

“I have to be. What I told’ya, I didn’t mean it. I was scared, Liam. I never, ever thought of another guy like that. And, I drank a bit too much and then… that happened.”

Liam’s jaw tensed up as he looked down, playing with his fingers nervously, “I knew you were drunk, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“You don’t get it, Liam, I wanted it.” Liam pulled his eyes from his fingers to look at the screen to see Niall was looking back—and even though they were not in person, Liam felt like Niall was looking directly into his eyes. “But not anymore. That’s why you texted me to leave you alone.”, he spoke almost matter-of-a-factly. Niall shook his head slowly, “I want it more than before. Going a month without speaking to you, harder than you think. It might have been my choice, but it was because I was trying to forget what happened. I don’t want to forget, Liam. I want you to make sure I remember.”

Niall’s voice was softer than he had ever heard it before. Liam chewed onto his lower lip some, clueless of what to say. He knew how he wished it would end, but it’s a dream for a reason.

“I’ve never had a long-distance relationship—but I want one with you.”

Liam cracked a small smile and looked at Niall, “Is that supposed to be you asking me out? Because, you did a horrific job.”

And there it was, Niall’s laugh. Liam didn’t realise how much he missed that laugh until now. It sent butterflies across his body and the smile on his face only grew larger. “Liam James Payne, My Cowboy, Will you forgive my dick-headness and be my first boyfriend?”

It was simple, it was genuine, it was lame—It was his Buzz.

Liam nodded sheepishly as his cheeks began to turn into a shade of red. “I’d like that.”

He reached for his phone, unlocking it and going to Zayn’s contact name. He clicked new message. The message he sent was simple, but effective.

‘You were right, Niall wasn’t done in my life yet. x’

~~

The two had been on Skype for nearly 5 hours, and surprisingly had yet to become bored of each other. Then again, they never did. Both were still bubbling with the fact that they are taken. 

“So, why don’t you like letting people hear you sing?”, Liam questioned as his fingertips rubbed across the skin that covered his own hand. Niall was eating crisps—shocker, I know. In between his many bites, he spoke. “D’no. I like singin’, but I don’t like not knowing if someone likes it or not. Donut like being judged.” Niall simply shrugged as if it were the easiest question in the world.

“Why don’t you ever sing? I know you can, you told me before. But you never ever sing, at least in front of me.” Niall’s eyes flickered from the bag to the screen to look at Liam. He adjusted some in his spot. “One of those sad stories, I guess. There comes a point when criticism begins to tear you down.” Niall nodded some, understanding without needing to know a backstory. “I wouldn’t criticize you.” Liam chuckled some, “I d’no.” Niall adjusted so he was leaning on his forearms and no longer eating, “Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee, Cowboy?” Liam chewed on his lower lip for a few moments, Niall’s Irish accent pushing through his ears and through his brain. It was nice.

“Okay. One song.” Niall’s eyes lit up as a bright smile appeared, showing his braces again. “What song??” Liam sat up, chewing on his lower lip to think. Finally, he smiled, “Teenage Dream by Katy Perry.” Niall grinned, “I know that one!”

Niall’s fingers began to beat onto his laptop, making the beat for Teenage Dream. Liam smiled, deciding that he would sing along side of Niall making the beat to the song to keep him on track.

“You think I’m pretty  
Without any makeup on  
You think I’m funny  
When I tell the punchline wrong  
I know you get me  
So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me  
I was alright but things  
Were kinda heavy  
You brought me to life  
Now every February  
You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine

Let’s go all the way tonight  
No regrets, just love  
We can dance, until we die  
You and I, will be young forever”

He watched as Niall licked across his lips. A grin appeared on Liam’s features as Niall began signing the chorus along side him.

“You make me feel  
Like I’m livin’ a  
Teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can’t sleep  
Let’s run away and  
Don’t ever look back,  
Don’t ever look back

My heart stops  
When you look at me  
Just one touch  
Now baby I believe  
This is real  
So take a chance and  
Don’t ever look back,  
Don’t ever look back”

They were only half-way through the song, but it was enough for the two to stop. Completely mesmerised with each other. The look in their eyes was shear adoration. 

Niall was the one to break the silence, “Remember that time you told me you could beat-box?”

Liam nodded and smiled, “Sure do. Why?” “I wanna see it.” Liam chuckled, “One condition. You have to sing the song I’m beat-boxing.” Niall let out a groan, but didn’t say no. “What song?” The British bloke grinned, “Carry out.”

“Tis’ a bad song.” Liam only began to beat-box the song, Niall singing the small clip of the song Liam beat-boxed.

“Eh eh eh  
Baby, you’re looking fine  
I have you open all night like an iHop  
I take you home baby let you keep me company  
You gimme some of you, I give you some of me  
You look good, baby must taste heavenly  
I’m pretty sure that you got your own recipe  
So pick it up, pick it up, yeah I like you  
I just can’t get enough I got to drive through  
Cause it’s me, you, you, me, me, you all night  
Have it your, way, foreplay  
Before I feed your appetite”

Liam smirked at Niall, “Naughty, naughty.” Niall narrowed his eyes at Liam, “Shu’up.”

~~  
They had been together for two weeks, and nothing seemed better for Liam. Even Josh wasn’t able to keep him down. Yes, there were times where Josh was being—ridiculous, but thinking of Niall made everything better for the bloke. 

The two were on Skype, talking about movies. 

“Vat? That was a horrible movie, Liam.”

“No it wasn’t. It was a cute movie.”

“Your sappiness is showing.”

Liam narrowed his eyes at Niall, “What’s your idea of a good romance movie?”

Niall grinned, “Beastly.”

Liam almost fell off of his couch from laughing so hard at Niall. “And I’m the sappy one??”

“A Walk To Remember is much more sappy than Beastly!”

Liam shook his head and laughed, “Why Beastly?”

Niall shrugged his shoulders and put a piece of buttered popcorn between his slightly swollen lips. “Remember how Vanessa, her character, said that thing about the letters in the mail?” 

Liam raised his eyebrows some, “No?”

Niall sighed and popped his fingers before sitting up properly, quoting the exact line from the movie, “What happened to romance? Sappy soppy, longhand love letters.” Liam bursted into laughter. “Shut up. Romance is supposed to be special. I’ve never even gotten a letter in the mail before.” A smile began to grow on Liam’s features, “I’ll send you something if you give me your address.” Niall raised his eyebrows, “Give me yours and I’ll send you one of my bracelets.”, he raised his forearm, showing all the bracelets covering his skin. Liam looked at the screen carefully. “I want the red one that’s between the black one and the yellow one.” Niall chuckled and smiled, “Will do.” Liam clicked into the message box and typed in his address, sending it to Niall; Niall did the same.

~~

‘Niall James Horan,

You told me you never received a letter and that romance was supposed to be special, so this is me trying. I have to admit, I’m not the greatest at being sappy. So—I’ve decided against my original idea. I originally thought I would send you the sappiest letter in the world; but I’ve decided that instead of trying to be sappy—I’m going to document my thoughts and send them to you. Why? Because I think I might be falling for a Leprechaun, and it’s rather scary.

I’m going to start off by saying—did you know we live exactly 271.61 miles away from each other? That’s a good bit of land, and a good bit of water. Know what though? I’d go so much farther for you. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I did mapquest our addresses. You’re probably reading this and giving that cute little smile, thinking about how lame I am. 

Remember that night I tried to tell you everything I liked about you? I realised after that I missed out on a few things.

It’s rather cheesy to admit that every time I need to smile, I think of your eyes. I know you think they are just blue eyes—but they are so much more to me. Those eyes are the eyes that let me know by a simple glance how much you care about me. They are so blue, and they are so calming.

Your braces. Here we go—yes, you may now sigh because I am going to talk about how much I adore you in braces. I know you cannot wait to get them off—but I might cry when you do. I met you when you had braces. I cried to you when you had braces. I smiled at you and got a smile back when you had braces. I like when you eat and have to pick at your braces for almost twenty minutes to get out the pieces of gum before your mum realises you decided to be a ‘rebel’ and chew gum. I like when you have to go get them tightened and for the next three days you complain saying that they make your teeth hurt. I like how you complain that everything gets in your braces, but that’s not enough of a reason for you to stop eating as much as you do. Maybe I just don’t like change—but what I do know is that when you smile at me; I lose my breath. You will always be my brace-face.

I love your laugh. You think you laugh too much, but to me, you laugh just enough. I love how you laugh so hard that your entire face rushes a bright red. I love how even when I don’t think it was funny; you think it’s hilarious. I love how every time I bring up Demi Lovato you laugh because just her name makes you nervous. I love when we watch the same show together and there is those moments where our laughter is in sync. 

Guess what else? I’m cheesy and calculated how long we have been together. Today makes 60 days. 60 entire days being yours, and you being mine.

I guess I should end this letter now, sorry it took so long to actually write you one—I just wasn’t sure what to write so I settled with just sending you things in the mail. Oh, by the way—hope you enjoy the Nandos gift card.

— Cowboy. xx”

Liam folded the paper perfectly before slipping it into an envelope. His tongue flicked across the top before pressing down the paper, closing in the letter and slipping it into the mailbox. Liam pulled up the flag before walking back to his flat.

This cowboy finally found what he needed—he just never thought what he needed was a space ranger.


	4. Chapter 4

Liam grabbed his keys as he left out of his flat. He had to go get his plane ticket before he went to hang out with Zayn. It had now officially been 254 days since Liam and Niall began dating. Lately though, things were a bit rough on the relationship. Liam knew he was only a tap away from being completely in love. His work and school were taking up much more of his time than usual and Niall had gotten busy—he luckily snagged a job at Nandos. They talked daily still, though some days it was only a few texts back and forth. It was enough to keep Liam happy.

Liam got into his car, cranking up the engine and texting Niall.

‘Goodmorning, Buzz.’

 

Then, a text to Zayn.

‘Be there in about 20 mins.’

 

He pulled out of the apartment’s parking lot and into the street. It was rather early on a Saturday morning, 7:16 AM. The radio began playing through the speakers, keeping his mind clear as he made his way to the airport. Liam’s internet hadn’t been working properly, so he wanted to buy his ticket in person. He was planning on finally giving Niall a surprise visit. It took him three months to save up the money to buy a plane ride, there and back. It was worth it—because all Liam wanted to do was finally hold his boyfriend.

“One for Dublin. Tomorrow’s ride.”

The young girl nodded before typing away at the keys of the computer then spoke without looking away from the screen, “456.70, sir.” Liam handed the girl his card and rocked on his heels slowly. She handed him the tickets after they printed then gave him back his card, “Pleasure.”, she muttered as he walked away.

Liam was nervous, but he was happy.

He quickly got into his car, putting the tickets in the glove compartment then making his way to the coffee shop around town. He pulled into a parking spot, got out and locked the doors. Liam slipped his hands into his pockets as he walked into the coffee shop. Almost immediately, he spotted Zayn and sat across from him at the small booth. “Hey.” Zayn looked up from his phone and smiled, “23 minutes.” Liam shook his head and laughed, “Three minutes a-lie, my apologies, your majesty.” Zayn chuckled, “D’n worry, just buy my coffee.” He shot Liam and cheeky smile, wiggling his eyebrows slightly. Liam rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Fine.”, he muttered and pulled out his wallet. “but you have to go and get it.” Zayn sighed before standing up. “what do you want?” Liam chewed onto his lower lip for a moment, “Caramel Frappe—whipped cream on top, sir.” Zayn rolled his eyes and walked off with the money for their coffees.

~~

“So you and—what’s her name, again?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, finishing off the last sip of his coffee. “Amelia is her name. What about her?”

Liam smiled, “Heard you two had a date last night. Unless I’ve heard a rumour.”

Zayn shrugged his shoulders some, though he couldn’t shrug the smile off his lips. “sort’a. She’s really cool. We get on really well.” Liam nodded some, smiling as he took one of the last sips of his coffee. “What about you and Niall?” Liam cleared his throat some and slipped his tongue across his lips. “Only about 100 days until a year, an entire year—yet we have yet to see each other in person.”, Liam chuckled some at realisation. “That’s crazy. When are you two finally going to see each other in person? Have some magically long embrace?” 

Liam laughed and shook his head. “Actually. Tomorrow I’m leaving to give him a surprise visit.” 

There was some hesitation in Zayn’s voice, but Liam didn’t notice it—“Well, that’s cool. Better let me know how it goes—unless there is going to be sex.” Liam laughed and took the last sip of his coffee, “It’s not like that. The only time we ever even talked sexual was twice. He was drunk the first time, and last time was just because.” Zayn made a slight gagging sound, which only resulted in Liam punching him into his shoulder softly. “shu’up.”

~~

“Today’s the day.”, Liam muttered to himself as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had about 20 minutes to get to the airport—he was running late. Liam grabbed all of his bags and quickly made his way down to his car. It only took a few minutes to get to the airport—but that might be because Liam was speeding to get there on time.

He slipped one of the tickets his luggage and the other he took in his hand. Liam paid the money for his luggage to get put on board then walked to the airplane. His carry-on? A small iPod Niall sent to him a month ago that was filled with Niall singing different songs. That’s all Liam needed; to hear Niall’s voice.

~~  
Liam’s eyelids fluttered open, he slowly looked down at the blue iPod resting in his lap. The British bloke slowly rubbed the back of his hand across his nose. 

“Off in the night,   
while you live it up,   
I’m off to sleep  
waging wars to shape   
the poet and the beat

I hope it’s going to make you notice…  
I hope it’s going to make you notice…

Someone like me…”

Liam smiled at the sound of Niall’s voice. It was rough cuts, no edits. He could hear each time Niall’s calloused fingers would rest on the strings, he could hear each time Niall paused to swallow or simply breathe. This was the music Liam adored—he liked the raw feeling of it all.

He looked down at his watch. There was about 20 minutes left on the plane.

~~

His eyelids fluttered open again, but this time was from the loud voice that raised higher than the music. 

“We will be landing in Dublin in 3 minutes. We ask for everyone to turn off all electronics at this time, and make sure to be sitting in your own seat, buckled in.”

Liam yawned, stretching out his arms and pulling the earbuds out of his ears. He held down the small silver button, turning the iPod off then putting it into his pocket. He made sure he was buckled in and popped a piece of gum between his pink, swollen lips to chew as they got closer to the ground.

~~

“Here! Here is it!”, Liam exclaimed from the backseat of a cab. The cab came to a jerking stop. This was Niall’s apartment complex. Only 2 months ago, Niall had finally got a place of his own. Liam got out, grabbing his luggage and paying the driver. Nerves took over Liam’s body. This was it. Liam was finally going to meet Niall James Horan in person. 

You would think Liam packed a lot, but he didn’t. Only one bag, and it was an old sports bag, so he just slung it over his shoulder and it rested at his hip. He took a deep breath as he reached the stairs. Niall was in flat 201. Being honest, Liam felt like he was going to throw up everything from how nervous he felt. He walked up the stairs slowly and walked forward. Unfortunate for his nerves, Niall’s flat was the second door. 

“This is it.”, he whispered to himself as he quickly fixed his short, chocolate hair before knocking onto the door. No reply. Liam looked down at his watch, it was only 5:24 PM. He knocked again, this time he heard something fall. He was going to walk away at that point, letting his nerves win; until he heard something else fall, and shatter.

Liam wrapped his slender fingers around the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked, which got Liam more nervous. The door swung open and he quickly moved into the flat, looking in each doorway to see what was going on. He passed by 3 open doors before reaching the living room. 

Liam’s heart fell at least 4 ft. that moment.

On the couch was Niall, and some blonde female on his lap. There was a broken vase, as if they accidentally knocked it down. They were making out, but it was obvious much more was going to happen.

Liam’s eyes glossed over, quickly filling with salt water. The same salt water that he came to know as if a best friend.

His breath hitched audibly as his right hand involuntarily reaching out a bit. 

“Buzz…?”, it was almost a whisper, but it was loud enough for Niall’s head to whip around. His eyes grew larger than Liam had ever seen them as he realised what just happened. Niall opened his lips to speak, but Liam turned to leave.

“Liam??” Niall pushed the girl off of him as Liam ran out of his flat. Niall jumped over the couch, running out of his flat and taking off down the stairs. “COWBOY????!”, Niall’s voice cracked as his eyes filled with the same salt water as Liam’s did.

Niall had just lost; he had messed up, and now, he lost Liam.

He fell to the ground, his back against the bottom stair as his knees moved to his chest.

He put his head down, tears streaming down onto his jeans.

Niall raised his head back up, but he knew no one was around anymore. “LIAM! I’M SO SORRY!”, his voice cracked each time he attempted screaming. “I FUCKED UP! I KNOW IT!”, the tears moving down his face continued, never stopping. His body began shaking violently, his face was blood-shot red as he cried. “COWBOY!!”, his word almost unrecognizable.

~~

A week. It had been a week since Liam spoke to Niall. Every message he got, he deleted without reading. Liam had yet to leave his flat. He just stayed there, locked up—alone. His mother called a few times, worried; but Liam never answered. 

Liam laid onto his bed; defenseless, vulnerable. The tears continued down his hot cheeks, no matter how much he could have sworn that he was out of tears. He trusted Niall, he believed Niall—Liam loved Niall.

Shakily, Liam pulled himself from his bed and dragged himself into the bathroom. Liam fell onto the cold, blue and white tiled ground. His fingertips were sensitive to the touch, causing him to fling his arms to his body and shiver. Liam refused looking in the mirror for the past week.

He shouldn’t, he knows he shouldn’t—but he does. Liam reaches for the small basket on the counter, yanking it down to the ground. Everything falls out of it, but all he grabs is the small box. Liam’s fingertips slowly open the box, revealing a small blade. His mouth waters at the sight. Outsiders don’t realise how addicting the blade is; they don’t realise why it’s so hard to stop. It’s your escape, it’s your freedom. Liam slowly picked the blade up from the small box and brought it to his face. He took a moment, admiring the sharp edge that shined. 

He slowly brought the blade to the ground and pulled off his shirt, leaving his upper-half bare. Liam brought the blade to his left forearm. He pressed the blade to his skin, “I’m not good enough.”, he whispered before slipping the metal across his skin and watching the blood bubble to surface. He moved the blade up an inch or two, “I’m not worth anything.” He slashed the blade across his arm, this cut being much deeper than the first one, causing him to audibly cry. “I’m nothing!”, he screamed, swiping the blade across another piece of his forearm. “I’m unloved.”, the blade slipped across his arm again. The blood was falling onto the ground, covering the tile, though Liam didn’t care. “I’m a mistake!”, the metal cutting into his flesh again. 

Liam’s body began to shake, the tears falling burned as the fell from his eyes. “I shouldn’t be alive. I don’t deserve to live.”, his words shaky as he slipped the blade across his skin. He began getting lightheaded, everything around him seemed to be spinning. He felt like he was going to throw up, pass out, or both. Liam looked down at the blood, realising how much he had lost. Could be worse, he thought. Liam looked up, and lost his breath. Niall. An image of Niall on Skype was in front of him.

He was smiling, laughing. His eyes were blue as ever, his cheeks turning pink from laughing so much. Liam began sobbing as his head spun, causing his head to fall then slowly lift back up. Liam shakily brought the small blade to his stomach—the easiest target. Growing up, picking on him was forever. If he was not being called a faggot, he was called fat. Causing Liam to starve himself most days. Each painful memory came back, causing Liam to choke on his spit as it seemed to clog in his throat. Liam remember each kid, kicking him, spitting on him, screaming at him. He remembered the girls that would taunt him, or do things on a dare to win money. Most importantly, he remembered the day he got jumped by Josh and his friends. He could feel each kick again. He could hear each word ring through his ears. 

Liam looked up, he just needed someone. Niall. His image was still there. But now, he seemed like he was mocking Liam, laughing at his pain. Liam began shaking violently, his breathing dramatically quickening as his vision began getting blurry and black. He reached with his free hand to his phone. He unlocked it, trying to text Zayn—instead sending him a blank message when he heard Niall laugh. Liam shot his head around to look at the Niall laughing in front of him. “WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH? WHY IS MY LOVE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? I TRUSTED YOU, I BELIEVED YOU! I LOVED YOU!”, he screamed as he violently slashed the blade across his stomach a loud gasp shot from behind his swollen pink lips, he tossed the blade from his hand as his breathing deepened before Liam fell back onto the tiled floor— letting the black slowly close in around him.

Liam James Payne was giving up; he was tired, and ashamed. But most importantly, Liam was broken.


	5. Chapter 5

Liam’s eyelids fluttered open, though they quickly shut again as the light above him was so bright. “m’hm.”, he mumbled before groaning in pain. He felt a warm hand rest onto his right forearm. Slowly, he opened his eyelids a little, looking out at a figure through his eyelashes. It took a moment before Liam realised he was looking at Zayn. “Where ‘m I?”, his voice much lighter than he expected, scaring himself a bit. Zayn slowly brought his hand from his forearm up to Liam’s forehead. He slowly rubbed his thumb onto his forehead. “Why you babyin’ me?”, Liam choked out. When Liam forced his eyes open more, he realised that Zayn’s eyes were filled with salt water. “Za—“, Zayn cut him off, “shh. You’re in the hospital.”

Liam looked at Zayn with a confused expression, and Zayn quickly explained, “You texted me. A blank message, which was more than you were giving anyone. I made it to your flat as soon as I could. I didn’t hear anything, but I looked in your bathroom. You were on the ground, and there was blood and—“, he stopped himself as a tear fell down his cheek and he was getting choked up.

Zayn took a moment before speaking again, “I thought this time, maybe I was too late. And I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose my best friend. I—“ he cut himself off again as more tears fell from his eyes. Liam raised his right arm, moving it around Zayn’s waist and pulling him in lightly. Zayn put his forehead on Liam’s shoulder as Liam slowly rubbed his upper back. “I’m alive. Don’t cry. It’s ok.” Zayn jerked himself from Liam. “It’s ok?? Stop being so selfish, Liam! All you do is think about yourself. Wake up and realise it’s not all about you. You pity yourself so you half-killed yourself. You are all I have left, Liam. We have been best friends for over half my life, you were here for me when my parents died. I don’t have any family anymore. All I have is you. This is the second time you’ve tried to kill yourself, Liam. This is the second time you made ME have to walk in and see you surrounded by blood. This is the second time you’ve made me have to think about who would have to drag me out of this hospital as I screamed and cried. Guess what, Liam—You think no one cares? You’re wrong. I care about you more than I care about myself. I love you, Liam. You are my very best friend, you’re practically my brother.” The tears were streaming down Zayn’s face, and Liam was completely caught off guard. “I—“ Zayn cut off Liam’s attempt to speak, “Happy fucking birthday to me.”, he said before walking out of the hospital room.

~~

“Are you sure?” 

Liam rolled his eyes, “I got minor stitches, I can walk without you holding onto me, Zayn.”

Zayn nodded some, but walked right on the side of Liam up the stairs and into Liam’s apartment. Liam slowly walked to the counter, and his mum had done as he asked her to. The British bloke picked up the ticket and turned around, “One ticket, round-trip to Bradford. All yours.” Zayn’s face lit up. He had a few cousins, all of which lived in Bradford, and he had not seen them in over two years. “R-really???” Liam nodded and smiled, holding out the ticket. “I’m sorry about everything. I didn’t realise what I had. I was selfish, so here, I used my savings for your birthday.” Zayn smiled big before carefully throwing his arms around Liam. Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn, holding onto him. He could feel Zayn’s smile against his skin. “I’ll be sure to bring you something back!”

Liam pulled from the hug and shook his head, “This trip is all for you. You’ve done so much for me already. Don’t worry about it.” Zayn smiled and nodded slightly before hugging him again. 

Maybe, just maybe, Zayn was right about his beliefs—maybe Niall was changing his life a backwards way.

~~

It had been two months since the incident, and things were looking up for Liam.

He got promoted at work, which meant Josh now worked for Liam. Josh never teased or harassed Liam again, because the first time he did—Liam got in his face and said “I’m the big guy now. I suggest you back down, or you’ll be out a job.” So as you can guess, Josh basically kissed the ground Liam walked on from then on.

Liam got home from work, taking off early and decided to get his mail. He had about 5 envelopes, and went up to his flat. He tossed the envelopes onto the table in his kitchen before stripping from his clothing and going into the bathroom. Liam turned on the water, and stepped in—letting the water cover his body. A pleasant hum played behind his lips as he washed off his body. 

The British bloke stepped out the shower, putting a towel around his lower-half and going into the kitchen. He picked up the letters. 

First one—Apartment rent.

Second one—Electricity bill.

Third one—Phone bill.

Fourth one—Car note.

Fifth one—It was a green envelope with words written in blue ink. From? Mullingar, Ireland.

Liam gulped when he looked down, realising who the letter was from. What could it be? Was he returning something Liam had given him?

Liam sat down in a chair at his table and slowly opened the envelope. He slipped out a small piece of paper, of course, it was a green piece of paper. Liam gulped, it smelled of the cologne Niall told him he wore. Liam took small breaths, a bit un-even ones, in fact. He held the folded paper into his hands. Liam took another breath before unfolding the paper. One line was written on the paper. Directly in the center.

‘Forever is a long time…… 

But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side.’

The bottom, signed and dated by Niall James Horan.

 

Liam’s lower lip began to quiver, the entire paper had tear stains on it. Niall was crying when he wrote it. 

Liam looked down at the paper, and now, his own tear made a single stain on the green paper that was marked with blue ink.

~~

Liam attempted going out of his place for a bit, letting himself breathe. It was getting cool out again, so Liam decided he would go for a walk. To clear his mind. But, Liam brought his blue iPod with him.

He hadn’t listened to a single song on it since the plane ride. He was too scared to. Liam slowly put the earbuds in his ears, making sure they would stay instead of falling out every two seconds. He turned on the iPod and clicked onto the song at the top—Niall’s horrid cover of Carry Out, one he only did to make Liam happy. A smile flitted onto Liam’s features at the sound of the song. It should pain him to hear Niall’s voice, but it was comforting. Niall broke him, but so very much has happened since that moment of Liam breaking down. So many good things have happened that changed his life in a way he never expected.

~~

Niall’s P.O.V.

Niall took a deep breath, then let his cheeks puff up as he blew out. He fiddled with his fingers a bit, his guitar on the side of him. Slowly he picked it up, and adjusted it on his lap. He grabbed his pick; it was green and signed by Michael Buble. Liam got it for Niall for his birthday, when he turned 20. Damn, he was 20. And so was Liam—19 to 20 feels like such a huge jump forward. He placed his fingers on the strings as his pick brushed across the strings.

Niall regretted everything. He regretted hurting Liam, he regretted cheating on Liam. Niall told his parents about Liam a week before the incident in Mullingar, but his parents didn’t like it. His parents screamed at him, and his father kicked him out of his house. His mother told him that she didn’t raise a gay son. It hurt, a lot more than he thought it would. So then his mind started racing—maybe he was straight, maybe he loved Liam because he wasn’t physically with him. To test it out? He was stupid, and decided to get a female. And that is when Liam walked in. Niall had wanted to talk to Liam since, wanted to fix things. But, he didn’t know how. Niall had gotten a call about two months ago, it was Zayn, a lad he had never met. He called to tell him what happened with Liam. It broke his heart, but he knew that he was only bad for Liam. That Liam deserved better. That’s why he kept quiet for so long, but he was done playing quiet.

Niall hummed a song as he rehearsed the playing on his guitar. The Irish lad had gone over the song about four times when a little girl ran up to him on the bus. “Mister Mister! What are you playing?” Niall snapped out of his mindset and smiled at the small girl, no much older than 4. “Just a song I wrote.” The little girl smiled, hopping into the seat next to him. “What’s your name? I’m Isabella!” Niall chuckled some then smiled, “I’m Niall.” Isabella smiled before her mum rushed to her side, “What did I tell you about running away from me??” The small girl looked up at her mum, “I’m sorry, mummy. Niall was playing his guitar and I wanted to hear it better.” Niall looked up at the woman, “Hello, M’am.” She gave him a phony smile then looked away, keeping her hand on Isabella. 

“Does it have a name?” Niall looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed together. “My ‘tar?” The little girl nodded and he chuckled, “Yeah. I got him 6 months ago.” She smiled at him then at the guitar. “What’s his name?” Niall chuckled some. Adoration flowed through his eyes as a smile appeared on his face, his braces still intact for another few months. “Cowboy.”

~~

Liam’s P.O.V.

Liam got back to his flat an hour or so ago, and just finished eating the rest of his dinner. He raised from his table, walking to the sink and rinsing out his plate and cup. He felt so different after walking—after breathing again. 

His phone started ringing, it was Zayn.

“Hello?”

“You home?”

“U’m, yeah?”

“You should go outside.”

Liam groaned, “Why? I just came from outside not that long ago.”

Zayn chuckled, “Go outside by your car.”, then he hung up.

Liam furrowed his eyebrows then sighed. He was wearing sweatpants and a white v-neck. He slipped on some shoes then opened his apartment’s door then left out. He walked down the hall, going down the stairs then out to the parking lot. His left eyebrow raised when he noticed something on his car. The British Bloke walked to his car, grabbing the boy on his car. It was blue, and the size of a shoe-box. Confusion ran across his features.

Slowly he looked around the box—no name. He set the box back down on his car and opened it up. His eyes began to sting, threatening to let tears fall down his cheeks. Slowly, Liam picked up the small Woody doll. Next to it, was a toy horse big enough for Woody to sit on. There was a small piece of green paper. He slowly set down Woody and the horse. He picked up the paper and opened it. In blue ink,

‘Look,

You finally got your horse.

Time to say Howdy or Yee-haw.

;)’

Signed with the date and Niall James Horan.

 

How did this get here? Did Zayn know? Did Zayn put it here? How did—

His thoughts were cut short when he heard a guitar being played behind him. He froze for a moment before slowly turning and being face-to-face with Niall. His little leprechaun from Mullingar.

Liam gulped as Niall kept walking towards Liam. He stopped less than a ft. from Liam and locked onto his eyes. Liam lost his breath, just like he always figured he would. 

“Merrily we fall  
Out of line, out of line  
I’d fall anywhere with you  
I’m by your side

Swinging in the rain  
Humming melodies  
We’re not going anywhere until we freeze

I’m not afraid, anymore  
I’m not afraid

Forever is a long time  
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side

Carefully we’ll place our destiny  
You came and you took this heart, and set it free  
Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me  
I’m torn, I’m torn to be right where you are

I’m not afraid, anymore  
I’m not afraid

Forever is a long time  
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side  
Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile  
I wouldn’t mind it at all  
I wouldn’t mind it at all

You so know me  
Pinch me gently  
I can hardly breathe

Forever is a long, long time  
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side  
Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile  
I wouldn’t mind it at all  
I wouldn’t mind it at all”

Niall slowly slipped his tongue across his lips, but his fingers kept playing a slow melody.

“For a while, I thought my parents were right. I thought there was no way I wanted a male over a female. Turns out, they were right. I don’t want you—Cowboy, I need you. I met you 388 days ago, and we bonded over our love for Toy Story. I wouldn’t admit it ‘til now, but I started feeling things from the moment I saw you smile on Skype. I want you to be my Cowboy, for as long as you want me to be your Buzz. Liam, I want to be the one that throws away every spoon in the bundle of silverware you get every Christmas from your grandmum.”

Niall’s fingers slowly slipped from the guitar as he stepped forward to Liam. Liam’s fingertips immediately pressed onto Niall’s neck. This was it. This was the moment both boys dreamed about. Their first kiss.

Liam slowly closed in the space between their lips, his slightly chapped pink lips pressed onto Niall’s smooth lips. Butterflies shot up from his feet to his forehead. He felt Niall slowly, hesitantly, move his lips onto his. Liam slowly moved his lips onto Niall’s tilting his head slightly to the side, letting their lips melt together, just for that moment of clarity.

This Cowboy’s life got put into the right path by one lost Space Ranger.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been three months since their first kiss—that’s three months of Niall living with Liam. He gave up his job at Nandos and brought his things with him when he came that day, and was very glad he didn’t do it for nothing. Despite a few arguments dealing with the set-up of rooms; it was going very well. Liam would come home from work, spend the afternoon with Niall, and eventually fall asleep on their bed. Things were better than good, things were great.

Zayn got engaged to Amelia—which is rather rushed, but what the heart wants is what the heart gets. Their wedding was to take place in the summer, which was plenty away. It was winter—cold, harsh, winter.

~~

Liam came home early from work, going directly into the shower and ridding himself from the smell of the restaurant. It was Friday, and he was taking Niall out. Liam slipped into the shower, and as his hands traveled down his skin; he smiled, having the memory of Niall’s hands moving down his skin as well. The two have not gone all the way, because Niall had previously told him that he wasn’t ready for that, but they of course did plenty of other things. As much as one would like to think it got into a routine—it didn’t. Each time they kissed seemed to make another spark, another perfect memory.

Slowly, he got out and dried himself off. He tossed the towel into the hamper before leaving out of the bathroom and walking to the drawer naked. As Liam pulled open the drawer, a pair of pale hands placed onto his stomach as arms tightened around him from behind. “Ni—“ Niall pressed his lips onto the back of Liam’s neck for a few moments, sending goose-bumps across Liam’s body. He pulled away to slip on some boxers then turned around, moving his arms around Niall. “Hi, there.”, he whispered to the blonde bloke before pressing their lips together. A rush of heat moved through his body as he felt Niall’s tongue hit against his lower lip. He parted his lips, letting the smaller bloke’s tongue slip between his lips. Liam slipped his tongue around Niall’s for a bit before pulling away, out of breath. He smirked before pressing a soft kiss on Niall’s forehead. “Get ready. We have to leave soon.”

~~

Liam slipped his fingers between Niall’s as they walked to the glass doors of the restaurant. Liam used his free hand to open the door and let Niall in first, but he quickly followed. “Reservation for Liam Payne.” The waiter nodded before grabbing two menus and leading them into the restaurant. The set-up was warming. Dark shades of red on the walls, the furniture was black and each table had a candle lit in the center.

Their table was a small, round, black table; a booth. They sat across from each other. The waiter set their menus on the table. “My name is Mark, I’ll be assisting you tonight. I’ll be back in a few to take your orders, as for now; drink?” Niall opened his mouth to speak, but Liam spoke first, “Your finest wine.” Niall gave him a slightly shocked face as Mark walked away. “You know you can’t drink, babe.” Liam sighed, “Just a small glass.” Niall waited a moment before nodding. He reached his left hand across the table, allowing Liam to use his right hand to intertwine their fingers. 

The Irish lad locked his crystal hues onto the British bloke’s darken ones; “Do you know what you’re getting?” Liam shrugged his shoulders slightly, “Thinking about just going with simple pasta.” Niall nodded before chuckling, “If I look at the menu I’ll want to order everything, so.” The amount of pure honesty in that statement made Liam laugh. “Want me to order for you?” Niall nodded before smiling. It was weird, to see the braces off of Niall’s teeth. It felt different kissing him now. He got them off 2 weeks ago, and it was different having his tongue slip across smoothness rather than the metal. Being honest, Liam liked the braces against his tongue. Something about it was interesting to him.

~~

“How does that taste?”

Liam raised his left eyebrow, “You’re only asking because you want my food.”

Niall gave Liam a cheeky grin then a quick wink. The brunette shook his head some before sticking his fork in the middle of the pasta, slowly swirling the pasta around the fork. He slowly picked up the fork, with pasta neatly wrapped around the metal. He brought it to Niall’s lips, which were already parted and waiting. He took the fork into his mouth, pulling the pasta from the metal then letting Liam slip the fork out. Niall chewed onto the pasta some then swallowed it. “That’s really good pasta.”

Liam chuckled, “Here.”, he slid the plate over to Niall. There was at least five more fork-fulls of pasta in the plate. Niall looked up at Liam hesitantly, “You sure?” Liam gave his boyfriend a smile and a slow nod. Niall waited a moment, before eating the five fork-fulls in two and a half fork-fulls. Liam shook his head, “Such a classy man, I have.” Niall gave him a cheesy grin after swallowing, then drank the rest of his glass of wine. Niall was normally one to drink, but Liam made sure Niall was only allowed two wine glasses tonight.

~~

Liam intertwined his fingers with Niall’s slender, pale ones as they walked out of the restaurant. There was a park across the street, and of course, they had to be cheesy. “Of course we are going to a lit-up park.”, Niall commented with a chuckle as they walked through the gate. Liam laughed, “It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy.” He gave his boyfriend a wink before smiling and pulling him closer into his arms.

Liam moved his fingers from Niall’s hand and wrapped his arm around Niall’s waist. He tilted his head to the side, letting his head rest on the top of Niall’s blonde hair. “Is it bad that as romantic as this scene could be, I am tempted to run away from you and slide down that slide over there?” His question only sending Niall in hysterics as he lightly shoved Liam. “Go slide, my liddle baby. I’ll keep my eye on you from the bench, make sure no creep kidnaps you.” Liam laughed, pulling away from his boyfriend, but catching his hand and holding onto it. “Come slide with me.”

Niall scrunched up his nose, “You know I don’t like slides.” Liam smiled, “Watch me slide, then you can swing beside my swing.” Niall smiled and nodded, “Fine.” The British bloke grinned, pulling the Irish lad with him as he practically ran to the children’s playground. No children were on it, thankfully, or it might have been slightly embarrassing. 

Liam let go of Niall’s hand and climbed up the back of the swirling slide. He sat on the top and grinned, “You just get shorter and shorter.”, he said triumphantly, causing Niall to narrow his eyes at him. He pushed himself off, making the two swirls then off onto the ground again. He laughed, enjoying it, more than he should have. No matter what, Liam just was not the most mature, despite what outsiders believed. 

He grabbed Niall’s hand, pulling them to the pair of swings. Liam sat onto the yellow one and Niall sat on the red one. “Bet I can swing higher than you.” Liam raised his eyebrows, “You’re on, blondie.” Both boys kicked off, swinging their legs to cause them to swing higher. Liam was beaming—this was the type of things he was glad he would be able to remember.

Upsettingly, Liam couldn’t get himself to go any higher, and Niall was practically flipping over the bar. “It’s ‘cause you’re so little.”, Liam said before sticking his tongue out at the Irish lad. Niall just broke into laughing again, something he did most the time which made his face turn red. “I bet I can jump farther than you!!”, Liam screamed. Niall shook his head, laughing, “Bet you can’t!” Liam narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend, “Don’t doubt me, blondie.” Niall grinned, “If I jump farther than you—then you have to buy us icecream.” Liam chuckled, “And when I jump farther, you will pay.”

The two nodded at each other, letting theirselves swing a few more times. “3…”, Liam shouted. “2….”, Niall shouted. “1!”, both shouted and jumped off the swings and into the grass. “n’mf.”, Liam groaned as he hit the ground. “That was more painful than I remember.” They laughed for a moment before opening their eyes. Liam was farther by an inch, tops. 

Truthfully? Niall scooted himself down when Liam’s eyes were closed. He wanted Liam to be happy.

~~

“So let me get this right, when you were 7 you had the chance to go to a Britney Spears concert and you didn’t?”

Liam nodded, laughing as he took a lick of his icecream cone that was nearly gone now. The two decided to walk back to their flat. “I was young and naive. I wasn’t thinking properly. I just remember I spent the night watching movies, and when my cousin came home she had signed stuff because she got to meet Britney.”

Niall laughed and shook his head, biting into his cone. “That’s so unlucky. It’s because you didn’t know me yet. You know—luck of the Irish and all. If you knew me at the time, you would have went.” Liam looked over at Niall from the corner of his eye and laughed, “Oh yeah, you’re so right.”

“I know I am. I’m always right, babe.” Liam shook his head and moved his free arm around the back of Niall’s waist. “You know, you’re cute when you think you’re right.” Niall looked at Liam, “Donut think, I know I’m right.” The brunette shook his head and dabbed some of his icecream on the tip of Niall’s nose. Niall gasped dramatically, “How dare you! I would dab your nose, but I wouldn’t ruin precious icecream. Come here.” The two looked at each other for a moment before Niall leaned in and gave Liam an Eskimo kiss.

~~

“Shh. Come on.”

It was nearly 2:00 AM now, and Niall was being loud as they made their way up to their flat. They spent way too much time walking around, truly it was great. Once they got in, Liam shut the door behind them. “You tired?”

Niall shook his head, taking off his shoes. “Nope. Wanna cuddle and watch a movie?” Liam chuckled as he took off his shoes and socks. “Sure.” 

Liam went to the DVD rack, looking through DVDs when he felt Niall wrap his arms around him from behind again. Niall began leaving soft kisses on the back of Liam’s neck. Liam licked across his lips, but continued looking through DVDs.

Niall gently started biting onto the side of Liam’s neck. He turned wrapping his arms around Niall and kissing his already swollen lips. He slipped his tongue across Niall’s lips, Niall immediately parting his lips, giving Liam permission to slip his tongue between his lips. Liam rolled his tongue against Niall’s for a few moments before running his tongue across the back of Niall’s braceless teeth. The action causing an involuntary groan to leave Niall’s lips.

Niall pulled his mouth from Liam’s and slowly brought his lips to his boyfriend’s ear. Niall softly kissed onto his ear before whispering, “I’m ready.” Liam gulped before pulling away some to look Niall into his eyes, “You sure?” Niall nodded and smiled. Liam smiled, picking up Niall and carrying him to their bed. He laid the Irish lad onto the bed then crawled onto the bed and hovered over Niall. His knees rested on the sides of Niall as his lips crashed onto his. He moved his lips onto his, letting their tongues wrap around each other. Liam pulled their lips away for a moment, letting his teeth tug on Niall’s lower lip, causing another involuntary moan to leave Niall’s lips. 

Liam pressed his lips onto Niall’s jawline, leaving small kisses along the jawline as his fingers slowly unbuttoned Niall’s white button-up shirt. He let Niall pull off his shirt before moving his lips to Niall’s neck. Liam moved his lips to a sensitive spot behind his ear. He flicked the tip of his tongue across it a few times before closing his mouth around a circle of skin. He began to suck onto Niall’s skin gently as he unbuttoned his vest then unbuttoned his button-up. Liam slipped his shirt from his arms and tossed it onto the ground. 

The harder he sucked onto Niall’s skin, the more he began to squirm under him. It turned him on a good bit. Slowly, he pulled his lips from his neck, admiring how the deep red contrasted against his pale skin. Niall’s fingertips slowly moved down Liam’s upper-half, pulling Liam from his own thoughts. His dark orbs moved to look at Niall’s crystal ones. They were darker than usual, they were lust-filled. Liam smirked down at Niall before moving down his neck with gentle kisses. He pressed his lips against his collarbones a bit before moving down his chest.

Liam hovered his lips over Niall’s left nipple. He slowly let his hot breath hit against Niall’s skin, causing him to squirm more. Slowly, he closed his mouth around his nipple and flicked his tongue back and forth a few times. Liam began to suck on Niall’s nipple for a few minutes before letting the tip of his tongue brush over to the center of Niall’s upper-half. He began letting the tip of his tongue travel down the center of Niall’s stomach, moving across his bellybutton then teasingly tugging on his happy trail. “Li…”, Niall whispered as he looked down at Liam and bit onto his lower lip.

Liam slowly unbuttoned Niall’s trousers before using his teeth to drag down the zipper. Niall chuckled some, “This is real life, not a porno, Casanova.” Liam rolled his eyes and slowly pulled Niall’s trousers and undid his, pulling them off after. He slowly went down to Niall’s ankles, slowly pressing his lips down onto his inner-ankle. Liam looked up to see Niall looking down at him. He began kissing up Niall’s legs, going up to his thighs. Liam pressed his lips over the bulge in Niall’s boxers. He moved the fabric around his fingers then slowly pulled them down Niall’s legs and onto the floor. 

Liam wrapped his fingers around Niall’s length, and looked up at Niall. A smirk flitted to his features as he began moving his hand up and down. “You want top I assume?” Liam softly pressed his lips onto Niall’s tip before gently flicking his tongue across the tip, feeling Niall’s member harden in his hand. “I want bottom.”, Niall mumbled under his breath. Liam kept moving his hand up and down as he softly kissed onto Niall’s cheek. “You sure?” The two locked eyes for a moment. Niall let out a small groan then licked across his lips. “Be gentle.”

The British bloke nodded, kissing onto Niall’s lips passionately. Slowly, he moved his lips back down to Niall’s member. He flicked his tongue around Niall’s tip again before moving his lips around his tip. He moved his hand lower on his base as his mouth moved lower on his shaft. His tongue swirled around his length as his cheeks hollowed in, sucking onto his member. Niall moved his slender, pale fingers through Liam’s short, chocolate hair and gripped onto his hair as he moaned. “Oh.. Liam…”

Liam moved his hand, letting himself take in more of Niall’s length. Niall unexpectedly bucked his hips up, causing Liam to gag onto his member for a second. He looked up at Niall, a sheepish smirk on his face. Liam smirked and pulled his mouth from Niall’s member and pulled himself off of their bed. Liam slipped his boxers off his legs and onto the floor. He smirked when Niall gave him a wolf whistle. Liam gave his boyfriend a quick wink before pulling open the drawer on the side stand. He pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. He crawled back onto the bed and hovered over Niall, pressing his lips against his boyfriend’s. Niall slowly moved his slender fingers down Liam’s spine and back up. “Liam—“ Liam slowly looked into Niall’s crystal orbs. “Yes?” Niall slowly cracked a smile, Liam cracking a smile immediately after. “I love you.” Liam caressed Niall’s face and slowly kissed his lips before pulling their lips away. “I love you too, Niall.”

Liam slowly kissed down Niall’s body and setting down the lube and condom beside his leg. Liam gently flicked his tongue against his hipbone for a moment. He grabbed the bottle of lube, opening up the top and pouring a bit onto his index finger of his left hand. Liam grabbed Niall’s member, moving his hand up and down as he slowly brought his fingertip past his member, softly pressing against his tightened muscle. Liam gently pressed his lips onto Niall’s hipbone again. “Baby, relax.” Liam began pumping his hand quicker on his member as he very slowly pressed his fingertips into Niall. His body was quick to reject his finger. He looked up at Niall as he slowly tried to move his fingertip inside of him again. Liam pressed soft kisses onto Niall’s inner thigh as he slowly moved his finger in to the first knuckle.

Niall slowly nodded his head and Liam pushed his finger to the second knuckle. Niall tensed up, letting out a slight pain-filled sound before nodding again. Liam hated hurting Niall, no matter how he did it. He slowly moved his finger in all the way, and his body didn’t react as violently as he thought it would. “There you go, love.”, Liam slowly whispered as he began moving his finger in and out, beginning to pump his hand on his shaft again. Niall’s body adjusted quickly and Liam slowly poured some lube onto his middle finger. Very slowly, he began pushing his middle finger inside of Niall. He paused when Niall winced in pain. “I can stop, babyboy.”, Liam whispered caringly. “No.. Keep going.” Liam slowly nodded, moving his middle finger in farther until both fingers were all the way in.

Niall’s body adjusted as Liam slowly began scissoring his boyfriend, watching as Niall’s chest moved up and down breathing. “Liam… I…” Liam slowly turned his fingers upside-down, curling his fingers to hit the bundle of nerves he knew would send pleasure through Niall’s body. “LIAM!”, his body tensed up before moaning repeatedly. “Oh fuck…” Liam smirked, letting his fingers hit against the nerves a few more times before slipping his fingers from his boyfriend. Liam moved so he was on his knees, in between Niall’s legs. “You have to get on your knees, babe.” Niall chewed onto his lower lip some, “I can’t see your face when we fuck?” Liam pressed his lips against Niall’s then pulled away, “Not for your first time—and it’s called making love.”

A grin appeared on Niall’s features as he slowly turned and propped himself up on his hands and knees. Liam gulped and picked up the condom. “No.” Liam furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean no?” Niall turned himself back around. “No condom.” Liam kept his eyes on Niall, “But its mes—“ Niall got up on his knees and kissed Liam. He grabbed the condom from his hands and tossed it onto the ground. “I want to feel everything.”, he whispered before getting back onto his hands and knees.

Liam picked up the bottle of lube, pouring a generous amount onto his member then tossing it onto the ground. The British bloke moved the lube over his length then slowly adjusted himself behind Niall. He slowly pressed his tip against the slightly loosened muscle. “Baby, you have to stay relaxed. It’s going to hurt at first.”, Liam slowly whispered to Niall. Niall smiled, it was nice—having someone care so much about you. “I’ll be okay.” Liam slowly pushed his tip into Niall, pausing when Niall let out a pain-filled noise. “I’m sorry.”, he mumbled before slowly moving farther in when Niall gave him a small nod.

Finally, Niall was able to keep himself relaxed enough for Liam to go a little over half-way inside of him. Liam knew sitting in one spot would hurt him more than moving, so he slowly began moving inside of him. Liam leaned down, pressing his full lips onto the back of Niall’s shoulder. “Babe?” Niall let out a pleased groan, “Eh?” Liam smiled, and pressed his lips onto his skin again, “What do you think?” Only Niall would find it possible to laugh at a time like this—“It’s weird having someone inside of me. But, I like it, because it’s you.” Liam chuckled some as he pressed his lips onto his skin again, now moving in and out a bit faster. 

Niall began to press back against Liam to meet him half-way with each thrust inside of him. Both boys felt sweat gather at their foreheads and down their spines. Liam wrapped his fingers around Niall’s member again, pumping his fist quickly. “Liam… I… Fuck…. Mmm…” Liam bit onto his lower lip hard before letting out a husky groan. He angled himself differently, being sure to hit against the bundle of nerves he knew would send Niall over the edge with each thrust. Niall got louder, increasingly louder—almost a scream. “Liam! Fuck! Fuck!” The British bloke began breathing quickly, knowing how close he was. “Niall… I’m gonna….” Niall moaned throatily, “Do it.. Don’t stop..” Liam gulped, gripping his dull nails into Niall’s hips and thrusting harder into him as he quickly pumped his shaft. He felt Niall throbbing, close to edge.

Liam gasped when Niall pushed himself back hard against Liam, making Liam go all the way inside of him. He groaned loudly, gripping his nails deeper into Niall’s hips as he shook slightly, “Fuck.. Ni—“, Liam cut himself off as he hit his edge, letting the liquid fill inside of his boyfriend. He pumped his hand a few more times before Niall shook, screamed Liam’s name and the liquid filled the palm of Liam’s hand. 

Niall fell weakly against the bed as Liam slowly pulled out of his boyfriend. He grabbed a tissue and wiped off his hand before crawling beside Niall and moving his arms around the smaller boy. Niall cuddled himself into Liam’s arms. Liam pressed his lips onto the top of Niall’s head. 

After a few minutes of silence, Niall looked up at Liam, “I love you, Cowboy.”, he whispered tiredly. Liam smiled sleepily, “I love you, Buzz.” Liam’s eyelids began to grow heavy; quickly they began closing without his consent. Just as he was falling asleep with a smile on his face and Niall in his arm, he heard Niall sing. Slowly, sleepily, but happily.

Forever is a long time, but I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side. I’m not afraid .. anymore.


End file.
